Five months.

It's been five incredibly long months since I've held my girl. Five long torturous months. Someone once told me that when you lose your parents your called an orphan, when you lose a spouse your  a widow but when you lose a child there are no words that can describe it. It's too devastating. I miss you my girl. 

Heartsick

I miss Lila. I miss her so much I don't know how I'll be able to stand it. It's incredible how amazingly crushing grief can be. It physically hurts. I find myself shifting and constantly trying to get comfortable to no avail. I keep hoping that this pain can ease. Before she left I tried to prepare myself, how I would ache to hold her to kiss those sweet cheeks and run my fingers through her hair and yet how could I know the true agony of going without her beloved snuggles? Or how her sweet spirt that filled my home would leave a void that I couldn't fill? I try and hold ruby close, to feel for just a moment the peace that Lila would constantly give but ruby is too busy, too curious to sit still. It's amazing how I yearn for the stillness. The quiet moments that I use to wish wasn't part of our everyday lives. I thought that by having another girl it would help with the loss, that I wouldn't miss out on all things girl, but ruby is taking us on a very different journey and I'm not ready. I miss my special girl and all that she brought with her. 

Sleepover.

While Quinn was out of town I had Ben, grace and evie over for a sleepover. 

We had pizza, ice cream, pop corn, Harry potter, walks, crepes and a visit to our beloved Lila. They even babysat ruby in the morning so I could take a barre class. They are the best. We had so much fun! 

Even the animals had sleeping bags. 

Tomboy

Ruby q is a tomboy. Sigh. I try and make her girlie but to no avail. 

Putting on a headband. 

So distraught 

Taking off the headband. 

Cecret lake

We hiked up to cecret lake last week. Ruby didn't realize that you shouldn't swim in an ice cold lake and jumped right in.  You would have thought that ice cold water would have deterred her after the first dip but she was pretty mad we wouldn't let her swim. 

Letting the shoes and pants dry 

So mad that she can't go in

Baby rock climbing 

Getting dressed up

We went to a wedding downtown. I thought it might be nice to try and capture a cute family photo while we are all dressed up. Ruby didn't want to.