Déjà vu

Ruby wasn't feeling well tonight, the poor thing kept crying about her tummy. The only way to stop her from crying was to have her lay on me on her stomach. As she was laying on me I had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. She was wearing her big sisters clothes and had her hair the same way, She was laying on me the way Lila use to. For a moment it was like I had Lila in my arms again. It was a quick glimpse into history. Man, I miss that girl. And I am so grateful for the little one still able to cuddle in my embrace. 

Try again

Tonight was a tough one. I try so hard not to break down ( it's just too hard to get put back together ) but I am missing Lila so much it hurts. I am so devastated that our family is growing and yet feels so incomplete. I'm sad that I don't get to see her with her sister, to see the beautiful smiles that she would give her. I want her in my arms. I want her back. 

Good neighbors

When you move into a new home you are kinda rolling the dice on having good neighbors. I got lucky! These ladies all live on my street and our kids get to play and grow up together. They also have been wonderful support this last year and four months. A safe place to cry and to laugh. Thanks ladies 

First day of preschool alone

This little lady had her first day of going to preschool all on her own. (Hence the celebration of swimming and all the Popsicles she wanted) I was worried that she would have a really hard time, especially since she told me "no preschool" this morning. But she did incredible! She walked right in, picked out her picture from the attendance board put it in the basket and sat down and started to play. No tears, no clinging. I was amazed. She continues to surprise me. Since it was Quinn's day off he got to go with us to drop her off. I was surprised that daddy had more tears than mamma and baby combined. (I had my tears the first day) as we walked away we marveled again that we have a child who is going to preschool. That she could walk in, that we don't have to worry about her health while she is there, that she can communicate with her teachers.  It's all so overwhelming. We are incredibly grateful for this miracle in our lives. 

Preschool

Today was Rubys first day of preschool!! Wow. So many emotions today. I can't believe this little one is going to preschool. She is such a little doll, I think she will have a wonderful time. 

It's bittersweet at the same time. I remember how desperately I wanted Lila to go. How every year I would avoid social media at all costs because of the back to school pictures and how I would cry thinking that Lila would never have this opportunity. Now Ruby is going to a "normal" school. She has no special IEPs , she isn't medically fragile. It's so odd and so wonderful to be on this side. I am glad she gets to go. So happy she can do this for her sister. I had her wear Lilas special ruffle romper so that we could take a piece of her with us. I hope she was right there next to us playing and singing. 

I got to be with her the first day. I hope she likes it just as much when I am not there on Friday. 

Bear lake

Ruby and I took a quick little trip to bear lake with Jill and her kids. We had a lot of fun playing in the sand and water, enjoying amazing friends and soaking up the magic of summer. 

Oh my! This is the picture everyone has in their pregnancy when you go, I'm that big?!?! Oh well. Gotta document the bump. Little man you still have two months to go (31 weeks today! Yeah!) so look at your poor mamma. We really wanted you here. 

These two. They just made us laugh. They are like brother and sister. They would play so cute and then turn on a dime and scream at one another.  I learned that Ruby is a tease! Good luck little brother! 

All the kiddos trying to see themselves on the camera. 

Such a fun getaway. I love this sister wife of mine. We stayed up way too late laughing, getting overwhelmed by screaming children, dealing with tantrums, eating yummy treats and loving on each other's kids. It was awesome. Thanks Jill.