Back to school night

I loved a little girl ...

Willa's fairy festival

Jill told me about Willa's fairy festival, a mother lost her daughter at four days old and has since held a fairy festival with all the proceeds going to charity. It was very magical and I'm sure will be a yearly tradition. 

Talking to fairies 

This picture is so beautiful and yet I have been sobbing looking at it. Our sweet neighbor could pass for Lila. This picture looks like this could very well have been my two girls. This is what it would have looked like if Lila had never been born sick. I wish my girls had each other. I am so sad they are not looking in fairy houses together and enjoying the magic. In this life we will just have sweet surrogates 

Ruby's fairy name was petunia Faye jewelbird.  So hilarious 

Maclaren s was lilac jeweldancer. Watching her was really hard. She was wearing a small tulip necklace and she is just the right age. (They are six months apart) and just that her "name" ended up being lilac. It was tender day 

Treats ! 

Déjà vu

Ruby wasn't feeling well tonight, the poor thing kept crying about her tummy. The only way to stop her from crying was to have her lay on me on her stomach. As she was laying on me I had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. She was wearing her big sisters clothes and had her hair the same way, She was laying on me the way Lila use to. For a moment it was like I had Lila in my arms again. It was a quick glimpse into history. Man, I miss that girl. And I am so grateful for the little one still able to cuddle in my embrace. 

Try again

Tonight was a tough one. I try so hard not to break down ( it's just too hard to get put back together ) but I am missing Lila so much it hurts. I am so devastated that our family is growing and yet feels so incomplete. I'm sad that I don't get to see her with her sister, to see the beautiful smiles that she would give her. I want her in my arms. I want her back. 

Good neighbors

When you move into a new home you are kinda rolling the dice on having good neighbors. I got lucky! These ladies all live on my street and our kids get to play and grow up together. They also have been wonderful support this last year and four months. A safe place to cry and to laugh. Thanks ladies 

First day of preschool alone

This little lady had her first day of going to preschool all on her own. (Hence the celebration of swimming and all the Popsicles she wanted) I was worried that she would have a really hard time, especially since she told me "no preschool" this morning. But she did incredible! She walked right in, picked out her picture from the attendance board put it in the basket and sat down and started to play. No tears, no clinging. I was amazed. She continues to surprise me. Since it was Quinn's day off he got to go with us to drop her off. I was surprised that daddy had more tears than mamma and baby combined. (I had my tears the first day) as we walked away we marveled again that we have a child who is going to preschool. That she could walk in, that we don't have to worry about her health while she is there, that she can communicate with her teachers.  It's all so overwhelming. We are incredibly grateful for this miracle in our lives.