My baby girl left me four months ago today. I can't believe that it's been so long, a whole season, and yet it feels like it's been ten years since I've held her. I ache. My heart is so tired of constantly missing and yearning. At times it goes numb to try and repair itself and then a memory will spring into my mind and it shatters again. This is the longest nightmare and I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that she isn't coming back to me. How can she not come back to me?!
Sending love xx
ReplyDeleteHi Kristi, I remember marking every month until 18 months. Then I started marking years. I still don't like to hear, "It gets easier over time." I don't think we want it to get easier fearing that we might stop feeling and remembering. Our family is approaching the 7th dreaded time of year from September to November, when Justin was sick and then passed away. I am grateful that 99% of the time, replacing pain and sadness is the experience of loving and being loved abundantly. As time has passed, love has filled the void. People say that when you lose a child that there is a hole that can never be filled. Yes, that is true. However, those of us that are strong- which you are -- build a beautiful life around it. You, Quinn and Ruby are doing that. The light that you may only sometimes feel during this horribly dark journey is from Lila and her big brother Jesus, wanting to bring you peace. I wish you much light and love.
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