Quinn, ruby and I headed to the tulip festival last week. I was equally excited and dreading it. This was always such a special place for my little family. I see Lila everywhere. I can see her running through the blooms and laughing. When we walked in I just started crying. Cute ruby was so concerned and kept asking to hold my hand. I love how sensitive she has become. I hope Lila was with us. I missed her desperately. I can't believe that the year mark is here. I miss this girl more than words can describe. People have said it's such a blessing she left when she did but I would have given anything to have her with us strolling through the tulips.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
(I love this tree at the cemetery. I have never seen a tree with half pink and half white blossoms)
Beautiful moments with Ruby at the cemetery
We are regulars at the cemetery, Ruby has come to be very familiar with it. With Lila's spot and those around her. She has become so incredibly cute about it. As soon as we pull in she starts saying "hi Lila" when we get out she runs to Lila's grave and will bend down and kiss it and tell her, "love you lila" She will continue to jabber on with Lila's name constantly in the conversation. When we leave she will say, in a very sad voice. "bye bye Lila", "love you Lila" It honestly breaks my heart every time and yet it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It makes me feel like they still have a friendship going on. Ruby knows her, she talks about her like she is constantly here. I hope that they stay up late and talk to each other, I hope Lila is in our home. I pray she is in every thing we do.
One time while at the cemetery, Quinn and I were talking about how much we loved that Ruby talks to Lila, how incredible this little bond is. All the while Ruby was saying "bye lila" in the back. I said to Quinn I can't believe that she starts to say hi Lila as soon as we turn into the cemetery. From the back Ruby says. " I said bye" Quinn and I were stunned. Ruby is one smart little cookie. I think she was only 17 months at the time.
I had a really hard time on Easter. It has been one of my hardest days so far. I could not stop crying. When we went to the grave I sat down and just started to sob. My sweet 19 month old quickly came over and hugged me, without any prompting from dad, and started to kiss me. It was one of the sweetest and most needed acts of comfort I have ever received. What a saving grace this Ruby is for our family. I honestly don't know where we would be without her.
I love to go to the cemetery there is a calm and sweet spirit there. I love that Ruby can feel it and that she loves her sister.
My sister in law Kathy's parents were so kind and purchased a tree to be planted in Lila's honor at sugarhouse park. Its on the east end right by the rose bushes. We were so very touched and humbled by the gesture. We decided to help with the planting, of course it decided to be crazy Utah spring and it started to snow right when we started to dig. The boys were awesome and stayed till the end. We can't wait to watch it grow.
We headed to St. George with my sister, her kids and my mom for Spring break. I was horrible at taking pictures this year but we had a lot of fun. Ruby loved being with her cousins. She was a lucky little girl that they were so kind to her.
These trips are always so bittersweet. Lila loved these Spring Break trips. She got enormous amounts of love from her cousins. She was always so happy. We went to Cinderella in the movie theaters and I felt her with me. The magic of the story and the kind princess. I could just see Lila in her sleeping beauty dress laughing and enjoying it all. I missed her so much I couldn't stop crying.
We went to Zions. It was so beautiful. Ruby did a great job on her first hike to the weeping wall. She was exhausted after and feel asleep in my arms in the shuttle. I felt like I had Lila for a moment. It was a sweet gift.