Thursday, August 30, 2012

IVF- We need a miracle!!

 We have decided to go ahead with IVF. Our clinic is working with us on finding the best plan for us now that the guarantee program is off the table. We are doing one cycle. We have saved enough, and people have donated enough for this one try, which is exactly the position I never wanted to be in. The stress of it all is pretty overwhelming. That and the fact that if this actually works it will be nothing short of a miracle. The preliminary work ups on me and my body are not coming back great. It looks like I am pretty infertile. Who would have guessed? Our little angel baby was pretty easy to get here.
So, once again. I am begging you for your prayers. This would be a miracle, and my family needs a miracle right now. I hate to think that finding this crazy obscure syndrome on the internet then finding a family whose child had the disease through social networking who then could lead us to doctors halfway across the globe who could take our blood and confirm a gene was all for naught. I hope there was a larger purpose for all of that.
I know I am being pretty open on a very public forum but we have had wonderful things happen to us because people read this blog and I am hoping that lots of prayers will come from being so open. I probably wont put every aspect of the journey on the blog. Its would be just too hurtful if it doesn't take but here is out first shot. Lucky for me I have two wonderful girls who have traveled this road before me right on my same street! So they came over and helped me with my first shot. Since we have some challenges I have to do two a day instead of the normal one. ugh.
Lena watching me to make sure I am mixing the meds right. I was struggling. I was shaking so hard I think I lost some of the mixture. Finally Larisse took over (pic below) and now mixing and shot giving is a Quinn job. We will all be better off.

The girls checking to make sure I have everything I need. Thank goodness cause it all looks like Chinese to me.
Rethinking this whole process........ Just kidding but I am not to thrilled about those shots.
Lena giving my newly punctured tummy a love pat.
Yeah! One done and about ...... I don't even want to know.... to go!!
Poor Quinn and I are feeling the stress. I had a dream that I was on a cruise and was trying to find a helicopter to take me to my ultrasound. Quinn had a dream that he slept walked and had mixed up a shot and woke up wondering how he was going to tell me....  They say try not to stress but easier said than done. If anyone knows some good techniques I am all ears
Thanks Lena and Larisse for being my go-to girls and taking many tear filled phone calls, giving words of encouragement and explaining medical jargon. I would be lost without you!

If you happen to be LDS my family is having a special fast for our family this fast Sunday. We would love it if you would join us. If you aren't we would love your prayers and good thoughts for us during this journey. Thank you!

Monday, August 27, 2012

swimming video

I had to post these videos of Lila swimming. It is her favorite thing in the world to do. If you haven't seen a glimpse into Lila's personality you can see it when she is laughing and kicking in these videos.  Plus I love seeing Gracie and Lilas relationship in these videos. They are best buddies. I love it. (The second video is probably the best and the shortest)
While in Cali I noticed people starting to stare at Lila more. Especially when she was swimming. A calm and sedate two year old tends to be noticed. But once  after we had stopped swimming for the day we had a gentleman come up to Quinn and I and told us how much he loved watching our family. That he could tell we had a lot of love and patience with our situation and that we wanted to share just how touched he was.  It was really sweet.


We headed off to Newport beach California for a week with my family. At first I thought that it was the worst timing. I was so stressed with our recent IFV hurdles that I thought I wouldn't have a good time but  it turned out that this trip was just what I needed. It was so nice to get away. Quinn and I decided not to talk about the future, babies or IVF the whole time and we actually stuck to that. It was a great break from reality and all the uncertainties that are ahead for us.  We had a wonderful time enjoying our little Lila and the rest of my awesome family.

Kelli and Grace

My great siblings: Matt, Kelli and Mikey
This year we actually got a little smile from Lila when we put her in the ocean. She loves warm water but has never been a fan of the cold ocean but this year we coaxed a small grin out.
The tide pools. Many a crab were chased....

Love the Oregon crew!!!! I adore when I get to spend time with this family. Matt, Josh and Nick are so much fun. Matt loves to tease me and it has carried on with the next generation. They get a kick out of making me laugh and squirm. I love it! 
These boys are at the age where they are not too big of a fan of getting their picture taken so I am stealing some of Kelli's pics. Thanks Kel!

We took morning walks to the beach. It was so great to just listen to the surf, relax and just breathe. The ocean has a pretty great calming effect.

I LOVE this picture. She looks so peaceful.

It is such a blessing to have cousins who treat Lila like she is just another normal cousin. Lots of loves.

Look how stinkin cute! They only sale 3T toms on line but I found these little 2Ts at Jacks surf shop and frankly couldn't resist.
We went to Universal Studios one day.  A HUGE THANK YOU to my MOM who stayed with Lila while we went on rides. That was so incredibly nice of you. We had a lot of fun and Lila was the Biggest trooper!
Ready for Shrek 3D...
On the studio tour.

In line for the new transformers ride. It was pretty awesome actually.

Swimming!!!! Our favorite thing to do on the trip! Lila loved it!

Hanging out

J loves to tease Quinn as well. He would wear sports gear that would drive Quinn crazy and Josh loved it. It was pretty funny to watch.
Evie celebrated her birthday on the trip and wanted in and out and a costco cake.  I was happy with her choices. Yummy...

We got to celebrate my parents 43rd wedding anniversary. Love you guys!

Newport pier

poor little lady this was a sad moment, but as soon as I put her down she stopped. Sometimes you just need your space. Poor little miss has a mom who is a bit of a hoverer.

Walking on the beach was so heavenly and really helped to decompress and not stress. Doesn't it just look peaceful?

Lila was seriously the biggest trooper this trip. She gave Quinn and I a little gift by forgoing her usual cry period at night. Only one night did she loose it. It was a miracle!
She was so gunky in the car but never complained. We just continued to use the suction machine and she tried to be as brave as possible.  It is  a lot of work for her to be even a little bit upright so as soon as we got her home and laid her down she was out......
Thanks everyone for the wonderful time! Its hard to come back to reality and all that entails but for one week I got to escape. Thanks it was blissful.