Sunday, June 28, 2015

St George and the Shakespearean festival

We headed down to St George for two days to meet up with Kelli's family and go to the Shakespearean festival. Quinn had never been and they were tearing down the famous old round theater see we had to hurry and let him experience the magic.  We had so much fun and it brought back a lot of childhood memories. 

When I was little the green show was so magical. I loved watching the actors and the fun things they would do. I kept saying to Quinn, isn't this magical? I'm not sure if he thought it was as amazing as I did

We got one day in St George and made the most of the splash pad!

Saturday, June 27, 2015


We were in St. George this last week and got the chance to stop by and say hi to Eliza. I love to see her and drink in her sweet spirit, But it always makes me miss my little girl. This time was especially hard Ruby was so cute to Liza. She took her toys and kissed her and wanted to be with her most of the time. It Showed me what a sweet little sister ruby would have been.  My heart just ached that Ruby will never have the opportunity to love Lila the way she should have. 

Thursday, June 25, 2015

I came across this today. I think it's a great visual to what dealing with grief is like everyday 
It's by Lynda cheldelin fell

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Lila's ossicones

I've started to do ruby's hair like Lila's. It's funny how these little things can hurt. We use to call them Lila's ossicones (giraffe horns) my little giraffe, oh how I miss you. 

Tender heart

Our sweet next door neighbors have become family. We love them and see them almost daily. They have a little four year old girl who is just six months younger than Lila. Seeing her with Ruby is excruciating and yet also in a way so wonderful. I can picture Lila and Ruby playing, running through sprinklers, watching the animals at the zoo. I can picture our life if Vici had never been in the picture, What our life could have been. It's so hard and it tugs at my heartstrings. Someday it's hard to keep the tears in as I watch them play.  But it also gives me hope as to what will be someday. 

Saturday, June 13, 2015

To Celebrate With You is Magic

My Love. I would give you what you want if I had the power and the faith. I would trade my life for that of our little girl and give her the chance to live and to love as I have. You know I would. That is what you have given me Kristi, a glimpse of the love our Creator has for us. Celebrations these days, for us, arrive hand in hand with grief. Knowing that, please know when I say happy birthday my sweet, I mean find peace, touch joy, leave doubt and loneliness. Rise above the clouds today. See what we have seen before. See that perfect love you deserve. And if our little lady visit you all the better :)

Lila lane

At Christmas time we found out that the new ivory homes subdivision being built right down the street from us was going to be built on Lila lane. Skylar Tolbert my sister in laws brother is in charge of naming the new streets that are developed by ivory and he wanted to name the new street after Lila. It's was the sweetest gesture and we are so honored. The sign went up a few weeks ago and it is so nice to see it as we drive home. 

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Baby boy

Baby boy. The ultrasound went well. The first image we saw was spread eagle and definate boy. We are excited ! 
 While we were doing it though I started to notice that the tech was spending a lot of time looking at his heart. When the doctor came in I was prepared for some bad news. He sat down and told us that little boy looks perfect except for a little tiny spot on his heart. He told us it's a long complicated word but basically means that the bands in his heart are a little thick. It could resolve itself and mean absolutely nothing or it could be indicative of a genetic syndrome. You could probably understand that this was a little hard to hear. Quinn is positive and has no doubts that it will resolve itself. I am feeling mixed feelings, I am sure that it will resolve itself and be fine but there is also that part of me that wonders if we are in for another special-needs journey.
Either way. We love you baby boy