we are home

I asked Quinn to bring Little Miss some clothes for the hospital. Any surprise that this is what he brought?

This week was pretty hard. We got out of the hospital on Tuesday, unfortunately the feeding tube is still with us. It's a bit bitter sweet for me, I was dying to get out but now I feel like we don't have the staffs attention. And yet maybe that is a good thing. I was shocked by how much the doctors and nurses just suggested life altering syndromes in a very insensitive manner. I heard several diagnosis that were equally horrible. So far all the tests that they did are coming back normal. At this point Lila has been tested for literally hundreds of things. They haven't found anything yet.
This whole experience with Lila has been extremely difficult. I have never felt so sad and scared. But during this week I did realize that a couple of good things have come from this. I love this little girl so much, I will never take for granted what she is going to accomplish. Every tiny smile, coo and laugh, even if it is infrequent is completely treasured and appreciated. She has taught me what really matters in life. All the other things that I use to worry about seem very trivial now. She is beautiful and I adore her no matter what. I will never take for granted a healthy child. If we are lucky enough to get the pass from genetics and we get to have another baby and they are healthy I will feel like I have won the lottery.
I also came to a realization what an amazing husband I have. I knew before, but this whole experience has made me so grateful for Quinn. He is amazing. This valentines day spent in the hospital was one of the most romantic in that I came to know how lucky I am to have this partner in life. Quinn has shown me the true meaning of love. Not the Hollywood mushy type but real true love. He has held me as I cried and reassured me. I know that whatever we face if he is there then we can do it. I am constantly amazed by his patience, his strong faith and his love for a wife that by all accounts is not very fun to be around these days. I don't know how I got so lucky. I don't think I could survive this with anyone else. I love you so much Q. Thank you. Thank you for being so strong, for having the faith that I lack and for being my rock. I'll make it up to you some day.