My sweet friend Cynthia asked me to go to Wiggleworms at the Murray library yesterday. She had asked me many times to go in the past with Lila. I always was a little nervous to take her with so many germs though. Her daughter Lelia is exactly the same age as my Lila. (which if I am being totally honest was really hard. It was hard when they moved in to watch Leila grow and Lila to stay the same. And now for Leila to be running around and Lila is not here) . We met our other friend Larissa and her Adelaide to have a fun time with the kids dancing and singing. The thing is sometimes these activities fill me with regret. I think I could've been a better mother to lila. I let my fear of her getting sick stop me from going to places like the library, or play dates. Looking back I should have taken her. I've been really struggling the past few days thinking that maybe Lila could of had a more fun life. That somehow I could've done more for her. My grief has been made worse by this regret. The last few days have been very tear filled. But as I was explaining this to a friend she said that it probably never mattered what lila was doing just that she knew she was loved. I hope and pray that Lila knew just how much she really was loved.