Soul Searching

The great thing about having an angel reside in your home is that she gets into your heart and makes you look at yourself differently. Its not secret that the last few years have been a bit rough and with our current fertility issues it may not be getting any easier for a while. I have been trying to handle it the best way I know. Quinn is so amazing at looking at the bright side, putting our current situation into an eternal perspective. I think at times it has rubbed off on me. I will try and have a good attitude, try to see this as an opportunity to prove to myself that I am a good person, a strong and faithful person. But then there are those days that can swallow you whole. There are days that hurt so much that I am sure I am not a nice person to be around. Sometimes it hurts so much you just want the whole world to know how much, and in those moments I pray I have not offended anyone. Through some soul searching, I think I know that I could be curt and abrupt. To the people who never called me, or friends who stopped talking to me because you just didn't know what to say. I can now say that I understand. Half the time I don't know what to say to myself. I can see why you would have wanted to leave me alone. Sometimes my grief could be all consuming. To those brave souls who still called, who sent notes or gifts, or who showed up on my doorstep because you knew that I needed a hug. Thank you so much. Your acts of kindness have meant more than you will ever know. It has given much needed balm to a wounded heart.  You have taught me what love and friendship is and I will try to learn from your example.
I don't know how much longer Quinn and I will be wondering down this bumpy and seemingly never ending road, but I know that Lila has made me want to be a better person. To handle each new disappointment with courage and grace. I hope someday to be able to help others going through hard times, to be as inspirational as some of you have been to me.