Friday, March 21, 2014
I went to Little Charlee Nielsons viewing yesterday. I have never gone to the viewing of a little child's before. To walk in and see that little tiny casket was quite overwhelming. I burst into tears as soon I saw it. I tried not to think about my little lila but it was impossible not to wonder what it's going to be like when my baby has to leave me. We're getting the point where either way life goes is devastating. Having Lila pass and not be with me every day is going to be absolutely horrible. But at the same time I can't imagine having her stay and watch her struggle and seize and get bigger to the point where I can't take care of her. I think I would just curl up and die if I had to put her in a home. Either future scares me so much. It's awful to know that there's no alternative for us there's only heartache in our future. But watching Catrina at the funeral I was so impressed by how strong she was and I knew that our heavenly father was lifting her up. I hope that when the time comes I could be that strong. I hope that I will get help from the Angels. I am so glad that little Charlee is dancing and running this evening. Free from a diseased and exhausted little body.