Saturday, June 7, 2014

The funeral

Lila's funeral was beautiful. It was the hardest day of my life but it was filled with love and rejoicing for our little girl. My friends had the great idea to have a photographer come and capture all the details. I am glad that she did. You can really feel the emotion in these images. Even though they are hard to look at I feel blessed to have them.

Quinn's family made a beautiful memorial for Lila that had two gorgeous trees covered in our little lady's pictures.

My family decorated the tables with pictures of Lila. I am so grateful I took so many pictures of my girl. My sister and Dad spent a ton of hours compiling and putting pictures together for her funeral video. We had about 1300 just for the video! Lila was loved. 


This is our pediatricians nurse. We had lots and lots of phone calls between us. We are so grateful that they loved Lila the way that they did. She had such wonderful care.

The Jackson family put a bracelet that they made for Lila on her wrist before we closed the casket. 

putting on her tulip necklace.

Sweet Gracie really was Lila's best friend. I cannot wait to watch that reunion. 

The grandmothers saying goodbye

These are the last moments of our family together before they closed the casket. Words cannot express my grief. I cried out No! No! No! over and over. I thought I was going to faint. Every ounce of me wanted to crawl into that small coffin with my daughter. To snuggle in tight and quietly go to the other side with her. I couldn't fathom my hands never being able to touch her face again, to smell her hair, to gaze at those long eyelashes. Thank goodness for Quinn and Ruby holding me to this world. For reminding me that my time has not come yet.

Sisters whose bond will not be broken by death

It astounds me that one can survive so much grief, how can a heart keep pumping when it is shattered?

A final kiss from her daddy

This is the worst moment of my life. Quinn was literally holding me up. The last glimpse of my baby's face until I meet her again on the other side, 

How lucky am I to have an amazing partner. Who loves me even in the depths of despair. 

 We released balloons in Lila's honor and hoped that she saw them from heaven.

As I sat at the funeral with Lila's coffin before me I realized that she had tiny angels in the corners of her casket. I loved it. My tiny angel.

Nichole had lost her baby James to Vici syndrome

Rest well my girl and think of your family. Dream of the moment we will be in each others arms once again because I know that I will every moment of everyday.

I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it.
anywhere I go you go my dear and whatever is done by only me
is your doing, my darling
I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet, 
I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows 
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher
than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder thats's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart 

-e.e. cummings-


nikki said...

You and Quinn are amazing! I am so grateful you have each other. These images brought so many tears. We love and miss you, sweet Lila.

Barb said...

Your ability to write your heart is so powerful. It was a beautiful service, one that honored Lila and her special, amazing, angel life.

vintageblueballoon said...

Kristi, what you both have faced we cannot imagine. Your an inspiration to so many of love and especially faith. We love your family. Thank you for sharing your journey.

Robbie and Margot said...

You are such a symbol of strength and faith, even when others have to literally help you stand. You are an amazing mother and person. Sending all of our prayers your way for comfort and peace. Love you and your family.

Carolyn said...

She's beautiful and it looks like the funeral was perfect. Thanks so much for sharing. I really love your story. It is only through the Savior we are able to hang on and you are doing it one day at a time.

Bart and Michelle said...

No words. Just tears and lots and lots of love and prayers.