I was so blessed to be asked to help with Eliza's hair in preparation for her funeral. Nikki asked me if I would trim her hair before they dressed her. I was so honored and touched and thought that I would just cut her hair and go but I was humbled when they asked me to stay and help style it as well. I was a little nervous about helping at all. I wasn't sure what kind of emotions it would drag up, and walking into the room where Eliza was I had to clamp my hand over my nose and mouth so that I wouldn't cry out and have loud and distracting sobs. The spirit in the room was overwhelming. Eliza looked like a true angel. She was stunning, truly she took my breath away. I don't think I will ever be able to describe dressing a child for burial. It is one of the most sacred experiences I have ever had. I trimmed her hair while Callahan painted her nails pompeii pink (now her toes match Lila's) after I was done I told them I would step out so they could dress her. I didn't want to impose on what is such a personal moment. After she was dressed and we had styled her hair I went and sat in the back and watched these amazing parents have their last moments before placing their child in her casket. I don't want to say too much, especially since it is not my moment to share, but it was beautiful and I know angels were with us. As I sat there I had the impression that Lila was sitting in the chair next to me. I physically felt her close, and I promise these moments are not that regular for me. As I thought of her next to me a sweet calmness came over me and relished in the moment not wanting it to end.
Eliza's funeral was extremely hard. Again it brought back so much, and I saw Quinn and I in Nikki and Callahan. They gave beautiful talks. They have always been my example in this crazy and hard journey of a sick and dying child. -I felt so inadequate as a friend. I wish I could help with the hurt to ease it in anyway and I know that I never will be able to.- Nikki talked about her first years with Eliza and how she frantically searched for an answer, one day she had the thought come into her head, "Some things are not suppose to be fixed" it calmed her and gave her comfort as to what was ahead. I remember Nikki telling me the same story when I frantically searched for anything to prolong my daughters life and it comforted me then, but listening to it at the funeral took on a whole new meaning. I have been so grief stricken over Lila's death, the saying "some things are not suppose to be fixed" can be applied just as much today as it was in the early months of diagnosis. Lila and Eliza came for a purpose and they fulfilled it. They returned to heaven accomplishing what they were suppose to do. It is just so hard for the rest of us that now have to mourn their loss.