The sweetest

For Lila's year mark my sister wanted to give me something special to remember the day. We saw this beautiful giraffe platter at anthropologe a few months after Lila passed and thought of her. Kelli went back to get it for me a few days later and it was gone. She called around to different anthropologies to see if she could find it. She spent hours upon hours trying to find this for me. She finally talked to customer service and they suggested that she email the designer personally. Kelli emailed her and told her the situation and about how giraffes are  so important to our family and she wanted to give me something on the yearmark of my daughters death. The designer wrote back and told her that she only had two platters left in her personal possession one for each of her daughters but that if Kelli would be willing to pay shipping she would give one of them to me. This platter is now so important to me for many reasons. For the remembrance of Lila, for the hours of work Kelli spent trying to get it for me and for the sweetness of a stranger who was willing to part with something special to ease the grieving heart of a mother. 

Mother's Day.

Mother's Day has always been a rough one. Ever since I have become a mother I have a very love hate relationship with the day. I have felt sorrow, gratitude, loss, and peace. This day was no different. I missed Lila so much and yet I was so grateful that she is still my child. I am a mommy of two and 1/2 kiddos and not even death can change that.

I took Lila a huge balloon that day. I am so grateful to that little lady for making me a mama.

Second lulu

Ruby found our back up lulu and was thrilled. What's better than one lulu? Two! She has been asking for lulu and second lulu. Hopefully we can just get back to one lulu soon. 

Make up

Someone found mommy's eyeliner. 

Tulip festival part two

Ruby and I got to go to the tulip festival with my mom and sister. Its such a special place.

Balloons for Lila.

For Lila's anniversary we decided to write messages on balloons and send them to her. I invited family and friends to be a part of it. Afterwards I thought that maybe that was a horrible decision. Maybe Quinn and I should just be alone and try and make it through but in the end it was the perfect way to finish the awful day, surrounded by love and support. I'm glad we did it and I'm glad Lila had so many people show she how much they love her. 

I don't think I took one picture the whole time. My mind was just mush so I am grateful people started to send me pictures they had took later that night. 

Friends

The morning of the anniversary of Lila's passing I awoke to find our home had been covered in balloons from our neighbors. I've talked before about my sweet next door neighbor and dear friend Jill who has done something for us every 26th for the past year. She never missed a single month. Whether it be treats, or books, or flowers, or dinner, or gifts she had acknowledged every single month. This month she got a little help from others in the neighborhood. It was so sweet to wake up to that and to feel of their love and support. It always makes those hard days more survivable.