I hate to admit it but I kind have been dreading mothers day. While most of my free time is spent in the pursuit of having more children, mothers day is just a reminder that I don't have them, and maybe never will. Don't get me wrong, I love being Lila's mom. She is the biggest blessing in my life. I adore her with every ounce of my being. She is my everything. But I am not having the "normal" experience. There will not be sticky kisses or sweet baby "I love you"s said to me on Sunday. Sometimes its hard to remember that I am a mother. The things that mothers do on a day to day bases are not even in my same universe. And I covet them, yes even the tantrums and the crying, I covet all the normal experiences that I see people taking for granted. If only I could shake off Lila's Vici syndrome for five minutes and have her look into my eyes, recognize me and hear her sweet angel voice I would be the happiest mother on Earth.
So you can imagine how touched I was when an old friend sent me tulips and chocolates this week telling me that I was a good mom. For a moment I felt a little bit included in this holiday. That I could say the day was for me as well. Thank you Margot.