Last Mother's Day I was so sad I didn't go to church and I spent much of the day crying. I didn't feel like a mom. All the things mom talk about were so foreign to me. Play dates, tantrums, milestones, potty training, etc, etc they were all painful to me. I wanted to be a part of that world so desperately. This mothers day I have been feeling grateful. Not just because I am pregnant and I hope to finally join in on the typical mommy life, but because I am feeling more secure in my role as Lila's mom. I know we don't do the stuff that everyone else does but I am still her mom. We are different and thats OK. I'm not sure that Peanut will be normal, part of me thinks that I will never join the normal developing world, but I am grateful. These girls have taught me more about life then I think I could ever have learned without Lila's debilitating syndrom and without the struggle to get peanut here.
I know that someday Lila will tell me she loves me and that is all I need for now.