Friday, September 21, 2012

getting by

This is the most lost I have ever felt in my life. Quinn and I have no idea what action to take next. How to move forward to create the family we so desperately want. I fear that not having one may just be Quinn and I's hurtle to overcome. When I think about the future it fills me with dread and worry. I don't want to feel that at 29 my future looks bleak.  It feels like I have a hole in my chest that I never knew was there that constantly aches and throbs.
But I am grateful. I am lucky to have my best friend hold me at night, to try and reassure me and to know exactly what all this feels like. I am grateful that when he hears bad news his first reaction is to tell me he loves me and not to curse fate or be angry. I am grateful for a sweet little girl that is still safe in my arms and not in a hospital bed or even worse. For an angel who laughs with me in the mornings and cuddles in the afternoons. Who will give me looks like she knows exactly what is going on and will follow it up by a knowing smile. Who is patient and kind and takes joy in the most simplest of things.


Tiffy Ann said...

I love you Kristi! I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I wish I could just give you a huge hug and make you feel better.
You have such an amazing family and I'm so glad that you have them with you to help you and for you to help them. All of you are amazing and very good examples of how to love unconditionally!
I know it is probably hard to put yourself out there for the whole world to read, but thank you for doing it and letting me know what is going on. I pray for you and your family and I hope things work out soon! Loves.

blythe said...

such a beautiful picture! ditto to everything tiffany said. love you so much kristi! we are thinking and praying for your sweet family.