Our IVF cycle is over. It didn't work.
This cycle was a roller coaster. That is the best way to describe it. After finding out I have some fertility issues we weren't that confident going forward but we knew we had to give it our best effort. We did the medication and after a few days we saw some progress. The doctors were pleasantly surprised, something that made me believe we might have a miracle. We went into the egg retrieval hoping for around five eggs. (The normal person gets 15 to 20) I ended up with nine. A miracle for me! I thought yes! this is it! this is finally my little families break. Its been a rough two years and this is going to be our reward for sticking it out. The called the next day and said only 2 fertilized. ugh. How defeating. Quinn and I agonized over what to do. You see, to test the embryos is 5 thousand, whether you have 100 or just 2. We didn't know what to do. We decided to see how they looked today (day 3 in their dish) and see if they looked like they would be good embryos. They called today and said one had some abnormalities and they couldn't use it. The other one on the other hand looked good. They said you have to make your decision in the next few minutes on what you want to do. I had no idea. Do we spend 5 thousand on just one embryo?!!! what if the next time we try I get none?! The clinic suggested we freeze this embryo and test it when and if we get more embryos from a different cycle. We could test them all together then. But sometimes embryos die because of the freezing process. What a horrible position to be in. We decided to freeze it... then we decided to test it. Back and forth. Finally we decided to test it. I called back my doctor and said this could be my only chance at biological children, lets test it. He told me he was really sorry but we lost our window. The embryo grew so fast while we were debating that we have no choice now but to wait to day five, do the biopsy and then freeze the embryo and the biopsy and wait till we do a fresh cycle to see if we can get more embryos.
I feel a little picked on. Could I have a terminally ill special needs child OR fertility issues? Why both??!! Does the big guy upstairs just really really not want me to be a mom? I feel like I am laying on the floor of a boxing ring just having gone twenty rounds with the world champ. I am deciding if there is anything left of my heart to try and pick myself back up and try again.