Living a nightmare

It's worse than we thought. Lila didn't end up having the surgery yesterday. The doctors did some tests on her while she was under anesthesia and are not even sure that the surgery is going to do anything. They hooked up electrodes on her brain and were disappointed by the electrical response from her optic nerve to the occipital lobe. The optic nerve is not that big and they are not sure if enough information is getting through. The next step is to have an MRI on Tuesday of the brain and the eyes themselves to see exactly what is going on and how big the optic nerve is. If they think that there is some kind of information making it through than they will consider doing the surgery on the left eye since it is the worse cataract. The doctors are not hopeful though and are predicting moderate to severe vision loss.
As of right now Lila can see light and dark and some shadows. she is also extremely near sighted so she is wearing glasses in the hopes that she will be able to see something out of the right eye and stimulate the brain. Really everything is depending on the MRI on Tuesday.
How are we doing? I have gotten that question a lot in the past day.... how can we be? I am in extreme mourning and depression. My baby is most likely blind in every sense of the word. I am thinking of all the things that I use to be afraid that she had and I would take any of them over this. How can she not see!!! You learn everything from sight. How can my baby not ever look at my face and know I am her mother??!! To smile back at me? I will never be able to take her to the zoo and show her what animals look like or let her run to the swing set by herself. I feel like there has been a death. This is the most horrible tragedy. I feel like I am walking through a nightmare. Quinn is being the strong one. He is holding out for some hope that the MRI will show that she can have some sort of vision. I am not as hopeful. The doctors made it seem pretty hopeless. We even had a woman from the Moran eye center come visit our room to talk about resources to look up to learn how to stimulate our blind child. This can't be happening!
Please pray for us! Please ask Heavenly Father for a miracle, since I am short on Faith. I am too scared to hope because it hurts that much more when it doesn't work out. Lila has had so many blessings and prayers and yet I am struggling to see the divine in this situation. I know that is horrible to say and yet I can't help feeling like my passionate prayers are going unheard. I need to lean on you all for that now. Please help me.
Thank you to those who have reached out and sent me love. I really appreciate all of my dear friends and family who I have leaned on at this time. I also am so lucky to have Quinn. I am sorry that I am being a "don't be" right now Quinn. I will try harder to match your faith and your hope. I love you and Lila so much.